Colleges are funny. In movies like Animal House, they make it look like it’s all toga parties and handjobs. But it actuality, it’s just a place for crazy old guys with tenure to tell kids there’s no such thing as free will and nobody’s liable for anything because mother nature made us do it. Believe me, I wish there was no such thing as free will. I’d be flinging my poo left and right like a monkey, and I certainly wouldn’t be allowed around cute 23-year-olds.