Apparently, I should have died years ago. Just another thing I wasn’t very good at.

If I were the sort of person who’d had a clique of friends who liked doing nerdy things with me, and I also had an absurd amount of time and money, I would probably do something like build a room just for Dungeons & Dragons®, complete with portcullis and functioning fog machine.

We’ve discussed Vajazzling here before, but here’s a more in depth look at what women will do for men they think deserve their precious flowers.

Yeah, he has a hilarious hand growing out of his chin.

This may be my favorite thing on the internet. It’s The Official Rock Sugar Site. I am sad to see the bass player, who from the videos, appears to be awesome, has been replaced because he “couldn’t swim.” Which is also awesome.

Good news, everyone! Turns out, the dumber you are, the more likely you are to have heart trouble.

What happens when February 14th falls on football playing day? Well, nothing in my house, because I don’t really care about either one. But in certain circles, it can be problematic. Most women seem to go for the alcoholic jock-types that would prefer to hang out in bars and drink and scream at the telly and joke about how cold the water is (“it’s deep, too!”), so Puma has a solution.

…on a stick.

“That guy!”

Have you ever seen a Christian tramp stamp? Give a man a dog, and he plays for an afternoon. Teach a man to put a dog in a bathtub, and he plays for a lifetime.

Truth is stranger than fiction. Unless you’re trying to keep some lesbians from adopting a kid, and they’re the super cute lipstick-y kind of lesbians. Then you have to concoct some weird shit.

It’s an amusing article on the dangers of Taylor Swift to the music industry and the psyches of our daughters (unless they’re beautiful blond girls who can just take their glasses off to make their dreams come true), but my favorite part is this chart.

One of my students showed me this in class. One of my girl students.

I love ad school.

Teen Girl With No Vagina Pregnant by Sperm Survival from Oral Sex

You know that sweet feeling you got last night when you saw the Google ad, and thought, “aww… that’s like real life…”

This is real life. Boom. Roasted.

Here at PMF, we’re celebrating with a traditional portrait of Conan O’Brien made out of Cheetos®.

How many double entendres and bad puns about space junk can you suck out of Star Trek: TNG? At least 10 minutes worth. Which is about 6 too many. Which is also what she said.

From the people that made the Robocop Rap and the Terminator Rap, it’s the amazing Aliens Rap.