Scientists discover that the universe is eating itself a lot faster than they thought. Entropy sounds cooler when Spock talks about it.

I’m at the age and level of attractiveness that sex’s only real purpose is as a subject of amusement and academic conversation. Yes, the female version of this commercial is funny, but the homoerotic undertones of the copy on the male version, combined with the shorn and shirtless torsos, really drive it home so hard you’ll be feeling the burn all day.

I can’t say I recommend watching this 16-minute music video about going to Yale.

Except for the fact that it’s a 16-minute music video about going to Yale.

I should have studied harder in high school.

(and yes, that’s Brian Williams in the sample frame.)

The fact is, there’s no market for good creative anymore. At least no real demand for it. There’s no ROI in it. They just want it to tick off the boxes that their bosses gave them, and not draw any real attention.

Occasionally, someone with some passion will do something good just to get it out of their system. Odds are they’ll never get paid for it. Not what they deserve, anyway. This is one of those times.

Is there any other kind?

I can’t remember where I saw this yesterday. Or Monday. I don’t remember. Facebook? Twitter? The back of PBR can? Who knows. All I know is, it makes me giggle a lot.

The makers of this film seem to have given slight thought to the psychology of teenage girls, less to the possibility that there is no heaven, and none at all to the likelihood that if there is one, it will not resemble a happy gathering of new Facebook friends.

Roger Ebert does not want.

I can never get enough of these Michael Jackson lovin’ prisoners. Sony has decided to take the bizarre mass human rights violation and turn it into a commercial. You can’t beat it.

In honor of next week’s return of Lost, here’s an enterprising edit of four year’s worth of episodes to one single 24-style 10-minute sequence of the plane crash that f-ed everybody’s brain so hard.

Does anyone actually like AXE? I guess I’m not hanging out in the right rutting clubs, but they sure spend a lot of money on bad puns.

No hints. Too good to spoil.

It’s the ‘Big Baby’ Life-Size Prop Replica from Hellboy II. And it’s 20% off! AND IT’S ON FLEX-PAY, PEOPLE!

Unless, of course, you’re talking about disciplining a kid.
Then it’s “OH NO YOU DI INT!”
Welcome to where you go to jail for a year for doing the right thing. Welcome to Crazytown.

New study says pretty women feel more entitled to act like total bitches.

Back in the day, a man’s life could usually be summed up in a sentence or two. A collection of coroner’s reports from turn of the century Indiana manages to remind us that our contribution to others comes down to what we have in our pockets.

Extra-brainy nerds, commence gambitting.

And it’s pretty much exactly what I assumed it was. Except for the part where he owns it.

Roger Ebert turns in another great essay about Making out as its own reward.

that used to be Jay Leno’s face…” Oh, wait. Wrong Patton. Patton Oswalt takes on Jay vs. Conan. And explains it perfectly.

My New Pink Button. That is all.

And by “gets me” I mean “makes me hungry.”

via videosift.com

What do porn stars think about airport security? What about Dave Navarro? Right… back to the porn stars. From the mouths of babes that put things in their mouths.

I know most of you will expect me to say I want to go to Las Vegas, because it’s the home of CES (and AEE… hee hee), but Los Angeles has stuff like this. So there’s really no contest.

This week’s episode is Patrick Stewart. Make it so, Number One.

It the grand scheme of things, this is just dumb, but I am amused by the notion that this KFC ad is being called racist as opposed to just dumb and lazy.

If you’re not watching The Kevin Pollak Chat Show, you’re missing one of the best shows not on TV. The last episode of the year featured one of my fav comics and @nerdist Chris Hardwick. Be warned, this isn’t the 40 second soundbite interview show we’ve been subjected to the last few decades. This is Tom Snyder on steroids.

Roger Ebert talks… er… writes about not eating or drinking (not to mention not talking) following his multiple operations to fight his thyroid cancer. Dude is an inspiration, and will still make you feel like a whiny little bitch.

It’s The Big Lebowski, Shakespeare style.