And even their governor can’t keep them from carrying them into bars. Because let me tell you, if there’s one thing we need, it’s drunk Tennesseans waving guns around with legislative support.
*note to self: never go to Tennessee again*

I know what you’re asking yourself, and the answer is yes – I have a nickname for my penis. Its called the Octagon, but I also nicknamed my testes – my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang.

This is real. These are actual people. This is an actual family. Forget Jon & Kate. These are the girls of Sex Decoy: Love Stings. You have been warned. If you need me, I’ll be looking for Hail Bob.

Watching an alcoholic berate people… even better when it’s on the TV.

Sure, I don’t have to spend Friday night at work writing copy for a website no one will ever go to, but it will take twice as long as it should because I can’t stop playing the drums.

… but they’re girls, so they do care.”

Canadian documentary filmaker discovers that girls are using sex to get things like clothes and handbags, and think Oral Sex and Casual Prostitution No Biggie.

Wot’s wrong with bein’ sexy?

When they played The Fox last month, the Spinal Tap boys showed a few fan-made videos on the big screen. This was one of the better ones.

Would you pay $2.3 million for a house with vinyl flooring in the kitchen? What if I said it had four bathrooms? What if I said it had a 3-car garage? Cantilevered over a ravine in the woods? Like the house in Ferris Bueller? Or it actually was that house?

[rolls eyes until optic nerve snaps like pea pod]

if only that in my heart of hearts I hope it’s an actual reaction from a crushed little girl and not Linda Hunt acting.

Even though my pal Anna does a bunch of VO work on it, and it’s supposed to be the super-hyped smash of the summer, I’m just not feeling the big epic open world games these days. I think I’m getting simpler in my old age. I’m playing a lot of Superball 3 on my phone…

Ex-Wilco member dies at 45 – CNN.com

I’m sorry someone died, but I’ve never heard of Wilco. Did they have a top hit? I looked up Summerteeth – never heard of it. Looks like they had one 500k sales record. I know of no one who would have bought it.

I told someone the other day, “Two years ago, if you’d said I’d look forward to a show starring Tracy Jordan every week, I’d kick you in the teeth.” It’s stuff like this that changed all that.

Don’t get me wrong – I like White Castle. I like BBQ. And I used to like women. But I’m not sure “pulled pork” and strip clubs go together.

Empire Magazine celebrates its birthday with a puzzle containing 50 Great Movies of the Last 20 Years Hidden In A Painting. Apparently, Eagle Eye is a great movie. Who knew.

Women with them are my Heroes.

p.s. I’m back, biotches. My little laptop took a trip to Texas, and seems to have come back with some new parts, albeit a little buggy, but with all my data intact. The hate-filled diatribes can continue, until the sweet release comes.

In what sounds like a subtle endorsement for the marketing power and outside the box efficacy of Twitter, Alex Bugusky exclaims how much it’s “messing with his head” that somebody figured out how to use Twitter to land a job at Crispin Porter + Bugusky.

Which is why I will have a model of Fallingwater that I built with my own hands on my desk. Oh, no, wait. It’s because LEGOS ARE FUCKING AWESOME. End of line.

Photog features the pics he took at Pete Seeger’s 90th Birthday Party. Seems there was quite the turnout.

I am computerless, as my laptop fried itself after almost two years of faithful service. Not really in the mood to rant on an iPhone, so I’ll be going dark for awhile. And if any naked pictures of exes show up on the Internet, blame the Apple store.

I tend to default to New York when it comes to great food cities, but considering my penchant for fried things, blue collar cheeses, and clinical obesity, I probably don’t give Chicago enough credit. The truth is, I’ve actually only been there once, and it looks like I need to start planning some jaunts. After all, if Anthony Bourdain says it’s got the ‘Greatest Sandwich in America’ I needs to eats it.

UP: Teen Pop Star
DOWN: Obscurity
UP: Broadway Star
DOWN: Playboy Pictorial (actually, this was an Up for me, but…)
UP: Totally legitimate straight-to-video movie star

A bowl to hold it made of carbs.

Do you like Star Wars? Do you like the filthy cockney rogues of Snatch? Then you should get a kick out of Snatch Wars.

I don’t know if this is real, but it’s tearing up the intertubes like it is. Blondes come in Latina flavor, too.

To commemorate 25 years of awesome, Spinal Tap are about to release their 3rd full length album next month. It’s 19 songs, some old, some new, and all cranked to 11. Get a sneak peek of the title track over at Exclusive: Spinal Tap Debuts Song, Comes ‘Back From The Dead’ For Album.

It’s that I was born in the wrong country. Years ago, Sean Connery bore the brunt of a great deal of feminist scorn when he suggested that sometimes, a woman deserves a solid pop in the mouth. Seems only fair to me. Today, you have to go all the way to Saudi Arabia to find someone who’ll put their foot down. I fatwah you.