She was the best of us, and she got the worst we had.
She didn’t deserve what she got, and we didn’t deserve what she gave us.

Enjoy your rest. You made a difference.

If you know me, then you know there are two things I love – Christmas music and fireworks. So I was excited to hear these old-school video game versions of holiday classics.

They just don’t make very special movies anymore.

P.S. this is my late X-Mas present.

That is all.

Yeah, something tells me that sitting through two and half hours of feeling sorry for Brad Pitt’s love conquering all would make me want to shoot somebody too.

The 22 detectives that spent their Christmas Eve and Christmas Day frantically investigating have discovered that the woman faked her missing baby story to win back her ex. Give that girl a Pardo!

Needs to build an app that tells me exactly where the next Cracker Barrel is. That is all.

This holiday season, when you’re worried if you’ll have a job come New Year’s, and when you can’t afford to get your kid that pony she wants, look back and remember when we were flush with possibilities, and the prospect of a new Vectrex under the tree would bring more joy than the prospect of not dying alone.

Kaplan. Conrad. A struggle that will go down in the annals of history.

What is the hulabaloo? The hulabaloo is that there is nothing on good to watch on the tv anymore.

Do you like really motile semen? Have I got some great news for you!

Goodnight, Nurse Chapel. I’ll miss you.

Daniel Petric killed mother, shot father because they took Halo 3 video game.

Sit on his face. And take poop in it.

The Smoking Gun’s 2008 Mug Shots Of The Year. Enjoy!

Saturday night, you probably weren’t watching UFC on Spike TV. I’m just guessing. So you didn’t see this awesomeness.

Australian court says it’s ok for 16-year-old to get married. “I’ve never really been career minded, I’ve always wanted to just be a good wife.”

He’s the best talent I’ve ever worked with.

And I’ve worked with Ricky Shroder.

Interesting that this violent act is actually just a “sign of contempt.”

Like a bullet.

It really is a beautiful culture.

Do you love Robocop? Do you kind of like rap? Do you have ten minutes to kill? Yes, ten minutes. Then check out the Amazing Robocop Rap.

My dad watched me do stuff to a girl once. It was cool. Hi-fivers all around. Something tells me it wasn’t so cool for Elizabeth Frisinger.

Really? Isn’t this just a pun? And does it take a hip hop star to get nerds to buy t-shirts with FORTRAN code on it?

As the summer of my life has been over for a while, and I roll through the autumn, creeping towards the winter, I’ve found I look back more. They say that when the time comes, you don’t regret the things you’ve done – you regret the things you didn’t do. I’m not so sure they’re right. I regret virtually everything I’ve ever done, mostly because it’s all been a huge waste of energy and terribly exhausting. I hope male menopause is more interesting. Maybe I’ll get to wear some new genes.

Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Enter Into Talks With Mike Greenman

Go see Delgo this weekend. Then go see it again. Then, go buy a ticket to see Delgo and give it to a hobo. Then go buy another ticket. Then ask Scott if he can get you an action figure that talks like Ann Bancroft.

Roger Ebert, who is getting a lot of play on the intertubes this week about his “review” of Ben Stein’s anti-evolution movie, reminds us why he has a Pulitzer. But it’s in reviews of movies that don’t even deserve to be reviewed that he really lets loose. Like this review of of an awful, preposterous piece of crap, that provides one of his most brilliant observations: When a girl says she likes you as a friend, what she means is: “Rather than have sex with you, I would prefer to lose you as a friend.”

It will be up to your daughter to say things like, “I love my tail in these jeans!”