Goodbye, Hank. You gave us a good run. See you in syndication.

As someone who knows how sacred the commitment between a man and woman is, I can’t help but be proud of these kids. If I were her father (who’s 2 years younger than me), I would be super proud. Be sure to check out the flower girls in the crop tops and fur coats. And be sure to read all about it here.

88 dead black people, another 14 black heads and a plan to kill Obama. They are a beautiful people, full of love and respect.

From the incredibly talented designer who brought us the Daisies Lie shirt, I would highly recommend picking up a LEETSPEAK-T.

Levi Stubbs: RIP

Jennifer Hudson’s crazy brother-in-law is all over the news, but nobody gives a crap about Levi Stubbs?

I realize some people probably won’t get around to seeing this year’s October surprise, but after reading the 15-page script [sidebar- I'm totally going to start writing pornos], I would say it’s up there with anything Tina Fey’s done. Plus, it’s got B/B/G Anal.

Go, brother. Go.

Man Finds Racial Slur Printed On Receipt.

I don’t know if I have anything. I wouldn’t be surprised, all things considered. It is the gift that keeps on giving.

Was he 71 or 81? I don’t know. But if you haven’t seen Dloemite, get your ass to the video store.

Sony yanks game because it has maybe something someone with a bomb strapped to their back might maybe possibly not like. Weak sauce. Fail. Xbox powns.

John Cleese (part 2): Obama, Biden & Fox News

I was stupid to think I was good enough.

Gosh, you’d never know to look at her.

Hee-hee… he said “Hokum.”

United has been doing some gorgeous work, especially for an industry that is hurting so badly. I admire them sticking to their brand’s quiet dignity, and the quality of their creative.

This one is especially nice. It makes me sad in a melancholy way. In all the years I wasted on a variety of people who claimed to love me, I never once had one give a shit enough to pick me up at the airport.

Except Dan. I love you, man.

It’s not me saying it. It’s Christopher Hitchens. Who I totally agree with.

One for me, and one for the empty seat next to me filled with rotten fruit.

It’s the Search for Atlanta’s Funniest Accountant. Because I know, they are a real ball.

As everybody knows, only immature teenagers play video games. So why in the world would Obama spend money on in-game billboards on the Xbox 360? Silly, stupid liberal.

Mars chocolate covered cookie bars teach us that lying gets you laid, and being honest gets you tasered.

The PC police are getting a little niggardly with the words I’m allowed to use. Now I can’t say your top is totally gay. Lame? I don’t want to offend the abulatorily challenged. Obviously, queer is straight out. Tropic Thunder killed retarded. Stupid is clearly a slight against, well, pretty much everybody now.

Had lunch with an old boss the other day.

Despite spending 8 months in jail (non-consecutively, as he was quick to point out), having done enough drugs to kill the Baltimore Ravens, and losing more money than I’ll see in 5 lifetimes, instead of looking like Bill the Cat, he looks great, seems healthy, and appears happier than I’ve ever seen him. Which is saying something.

I’ll have what he’s taking, please.

Australian women do the crime and do the time. Seems fair.

And I didn’t speak, because I wasn’t a crack whore.

Then they came for the gangstas

And I didn’t speak, because I wasn’t a gangsta.

Then they came for me, and my stuff.

Despite being just another guy who’s way better looking than me, I like Nathan Fillion. Mostly because he doesn’t take himself too seriously.

Man shot prostitute in the back because she got tired.