You get to buy things like a $400 Death Starâ„¢ LEGO Set. On principle.

You don’t F with the Batman.

Finally, a single mom looking for that special guy puts her real motives on the block.

If I didn’t know I’ll be spending the next 95 hours straight locked in a beige office building trying to figure out how to get Matt Lauer to talk about green anchors (don’t ask), I would totally go to Duke Fest.

Oh, well. This is way more fun.

The other day I had a few hours where I didn’t have someone demanding I conjure up an innovative and dirt cheap way to get people to buy things they shouldn’t, so I played hooky and flew down to Orlando. One of the perks of not having any kind of a life is you can pretty much do whatever you want whenever you want. Which is nice. The reason for the quick trip was I wanted to experience something that resembled fun. Enter: The Simpsons RIDE .â„¢ Universal has a shuttle that goes to and from the airport, so my little day trip was pretty simple. And was very much worth it. If you’ve been to Universal Studios, you’ve got a good idea what sort of “ride” it is. I don’t want to give too much away, but it does involve the sights, the sounds, and yes, the smells, of Springfield and its colorful-if-two-dimensional residents.

I have a few pictures, but I can’t seem to get this new version of WordPress to take them. Oh well. You’re just going to have to trust me when I say it’s about as good as a trip to Kustylandâ„¢ could be, complete with Farmer Billy’s Choco-Bacon-Bars.

Oprah says it’s easy to be an optimist.

Ten years ago, this free little applet for type would have made art directors either wet themselves with glee or terror. Now, it’s just fun stuff to run rants through. I highly endorse this time waster.

Like most things, I’m late to the party, but if you haven’t seen the crazy stop-motion graffiti of BLU, then you should.

It’s pretty bad when you have even less business doing a Michael Jackson song than Charlotte Church.

Oh, I’ve got your Booming Sex Niche right here.

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Beijing Olympics unofficial live goldfish keyrings are teh awesome.

A healthy relationship “distilled” into three sequential panels.

“You can’t quite put your finger on it, but your relationship feels troubled. In fact, things have become increasingly stressful and you’re constantly fielding unresolved relationship problems… but you don’t know why.”
Is it possible every girlfriend I’ve ever had was Addicted to Porn?

Likes to drink. Likes to drive recklessly. Likes mouth off. Likes to be handcuffed.
And those are just the respectable ones running for the State House.

Two Toddlers Injured By Stray Bullets

‘Wonder Woman’ finds body floating in river.

The last of an era leaves us.

Thanks for the Saturdays, Jim.

Lest you think I have written off all children… behold… I am raising money for Junior Achievement. If you are of a mind to, feel free to pitch in. They do good work. That’s all I’m gonna say about that.

It starts off weird, when the mom calls her kid “dude.”

Then it goes a little off the rails when he bitch slaps his mother.

I have friends with kids. I feel for you.

They seem to know how to handle their alcohol. Even the ones with kids. They still can’t seem to keep from getting pulled over, though.

Police Chief declares we have no regard for each other. But just because some old guy gets run over and nobody gives a crap – is that news? Did I mention there’s video of the hit and run? Did you click it now?

Holy awesome! Bubba does Gershon! I almost wish Hillary would win just to keep this crazy in the news.

Why is it when cyclists fall to their natural predator, something so natural is against the law?

Memorial Day Weekend crackdown nets DWI 17-year-old girl who blames blowing a .15 on kissing a really drunk guy.

Precocious 13-year-old likes to tell men she’s 19 and then have sex with them. Daddy likes to send the boys to prison.