True, you were brilliant with Tim Conway and Carol Burnett, but no one fried up a bantha chop quite like you.

Save a place for me.

We had a seminar at work today about domestic violence, so I’m extra sensitive to restraining myself from popping a mouthy broad in the kisser. But Bill Murray gets a pass. Because he’s Bill Murray.

P.S. Only kind of kidding

P.P.S. The pisser is he probably didn’t do any of that shit, and she’s just looking to bleed him. Yay, Gloria Allred!

The rest just like to steal shit.

Afraid of getting car jacked? Maybe you need a flame thrower. A totally legal flame thrower. For your car. GOD I WISH I LIVED IN SOUTH AFRICA!!!

It’s one of those movies where women are the sad sacks waiting around for any man to give a shit about them. (as long as they’re “cute”)

It’s also an ensemble cast where Drew Barrymore is the ugly one.

If you need me, I’ll be on line waiting for tickets.

Look for my movie next year, She’s Just Not That Into Treating You Like a Human Being, and Gets Off On Making You Feel Like Shit.

Here’s the deal – Hardee’s does the Joe Schmo thing to sell its totally awesome burgers. Now if there were only a Hardee’s within 15 miles of my house.

When you charge me $4 for a cup of coffee, there had better as shit be some nipples on it.

Sad. I feel sad.

Good night, sweet Sydney.

Is it advertising or art? Is it super cool or just a massive waste of jet fuel? Is it a “school project” or “corporate viral content?”
I vote for “All of the above.”

John Mayer licks stuff off Jennifer Aniston. Something tells me she’s just using him to get what she needs at the time.

“Thirty-three percent of higher-earning spouses are women, but fewer than four percent of alimony payers are women.”

Bid on an auction to clone your dog for your chance to be Best Friends… Again. Just make sure you have at least $250,000.00 before you bid.

I was schooling Cute 20-Year-Old about Gabe Kaplan or something the other day when I realized Hulu would be a fantastic teaching aid. That led me to a classic Barney Miller episode. Explaining why the notion of a wife claiming her husband had raped her was Grade A material for a sitcom proved quite difficult. Oh, simpler times.

if I’d had one of these.

I cannot wait for The Cleveland Show. I can only imagine it is going to make Family Guy seem politically correct.

When you leave off a “p” you disappoint me.

For Time Magazine’s big 100 people of the year issue, they got a bunch of designers to submit covers. They got several hundred entries and narrowed it down to 5. Chip Kidd, who is awesome, had 2 in the top 5. And they didn’t even pick the good one.

The Grocery Eats guy does all the things I wish I could do – travel to exotic places like Minneapolis, have friends, find a nice girl, and eat shit like this.

if it feels like an Apple commercial?

Japanese love dolls are extremely therapeutic. Especially for the
marriage hole.

With some ManBabies.

Apparently, the iPhone just landed in Jamaica. And the tech guy at The Jamaica Herald says it’s not all that. He recommends an iPod with a camera phone duct taped to it. 6 out of 10.

I think maybe I want to work on big brands after all.

Get ready for more Iron Men.

I went on several dates. I went bowling. I played darts. Played a little nine ball. Surfed the internet. Watched TV. Explored the city. Had sex. Delivered drugs. Stole cars. Murdered some people. All in all, it was good.

In a world where a video game gets a glowing review in the New York Times, it’s true that they’re bigger than pong. And it’s safe to say that GTA 4 will make more money than anything else – game, movie, album or book – this year. So you better get on the bus.

As a sampling of the massive world I spent the weekend in, get a load of the radio stations available to listen to as you tool around Liberty City.

I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a little white wine in there, too.