Woman crashes when teaching dog to drive. ‘Nuff said.

Eat it, Florida. I’ll show my junk to whoever I want.

I guess it’s good thing that even Republicans are trying to distance themselves from her, but in an attempt to galvanize her base of crazy, Florida chad-lebrity Katherine Harris says voting for non-Christians is an affront to God, and that separation of Church and State is a lie because God “chooses our leaders.”

Jews everywhere are outraged.

When I saw this I thought, “Top of the world, ma!”

But it turned out to be about baseball.

Vermont teens are taking advantage of the fact their town has no laws banning public nudity.

p.s. I hate hippies, teens, and apparently Vermont.

From the “Australia is way cooler” file: Miss Universe agrees to go to the prom with a guy who had the balls to ask. Something tells me even if I had thought of that, I still would have ended up alone that night watching Simon & Simon.

I may not be cool enough to ride one now, but it’s nice to know that in a few years I’ll have the opportunity to finally wow the ladies.

The results of a surprisingly comprehensive online survey of 7000 people comes to the mind boggling conclusion that obese men like to masturbate. A lot. Other less shocking findings – Sagittarius women are more likely to rub their clitori whilst fingering themselves than any other sign, and 9.09% of Jewish women prefer interracial porn.

Take the survey yourself at the bottom, but it gets kind of hinky in Safari. Firefox and IE seem to work fine. Not that I was all that interested.

But not much shaft, apparently.

These are way cooler than the Star Wars ones I wear. I mean wore.

New ‘Survivor’ to group players by ethnicity.

From the “they were asking for it” file: Live Rattlesnakes Released In ‘Snakes On A Plane’ Theater.

An always-sensitive-to-the-feelings-of-others reader submits this story of an Indian restaurant that wants to make a name for itself and prove that it’s different the same way Hitler was different.

Oh, the pressures of eastern culture sure do seem alien to us westerners.

It’s like my dorm wall come to life in LEGO.

This headline made perfect sense to me, but the story went in a whole other direction than I expected.

Hospital Director suggests man in his ER who jumped out of a hotel window with his kids under his arm should commit suicide. Not that I’m arguing with him.

Justin Timberlake’s rep says his comments about Taylor Hicks “not being able to carry a tune in a bucket” were taken completely out of context. Which, while probably being true, doesn’t change the fact that Justin Timberlake is a douche who says things like, “Maybe everybody was coked up, but who cares? It was hot.”

When a log gets jammed in the wood chipper, don’t try to kick it through, or you may be pulled ALL THE WAY THROUGH A WOOD CHIPPER.

The cynic in me wants to call this a double edged sword, but the pessimist in me just can’t wait for it to be over.

Actor Bruno Kirby Dies at 57. And, scene. Sad.

Even funnier if you know anything about feminists.

One with a University of Houston horn.

The French officially have the most manly men.

Trip hop drug Special K seems to do what palettes of Ho Ho’s and internet porn can’t.

Dell fesses up and decides maybe they should do something about their laptops bursting into flames.

Politicians will officially say anything now to get elected.

Bill Clinton is getting old, and doesn’t like his life anymore. He seems to think that his life has no meaning anymore, and all of his accomplishments are behind him. I feel bad for the guy.

I’ve been a little busy with the “work” and have been super slack. I’ll try not to let it happen too often.