Is it any wonder why stupid people stay stupid? It’s because they read stories like this and then think they’ve learned something.

I imagine when I’m 70 I’ll be screaming at hot 20-year-olds for being spoiled little bitches too. Or maybe next week. Whichever comes first. I can’t remember.

Hoff jumping his own shark

Being old sucks. It twists your guts up and bats you around like a cat toy. You spend your life trying to get in the game, and by the time you save up enough tokens, you’re too dried up to play. George Bernard Shaw was right. It really is wasted on the young. Here’s your prize.

Ford is using the tubes to bring a multi-part “documentary” from “inside” the company. It’s gonna be bold, it’s gonna be rough, it’s gonna shock people, it’s maybe gonna sell some cars. Maybe.

Commentary on the brilliant testament to America’s consumers who have headaches.

I can only imagine how something like this would go over in my neighborhood.

Hasselhoff To Star In Musical Based On His Life.

George Michael wants everybody’s sex.

Geico’s new campaign started with a wimper with the Little Richard spot, but heads into the sublime with Mr. Burt Bacharach.

The upcomming Don LaFontaine is pretty golden, too, but nothing we haven’t seen before.

Burt Bacharach, man. Burt Bacharach. I would totally buy that album.

Bad boy Colin Farrell got a nifty surprise on the Leno show when his stalker jumped up on stage to give Jay a copy of her book, Colin Farrell: A Dark Twisted Puppy.

Marriage proposal: the surest way to go down in flames.

I think the responses to the story about Dakota Fanning’s upcomming role featuring her explicitly raped on-screen are more interesting than the movie will be.

Well, ok. I don’t really.

Cynthia McKinney: business as usual.

True Nerds hate Cool Nerds.

Bias in the news? How’s this for a headline?
“Violent rampage targets lonely men.”

See? I can do it too.

Woman sues homeowner claiming icy driveway caused her to fall and break her ankle. Thanks, Mom.

1) Who ‘vacations’ anywhere east of Rome?
2) Who thinks an American passport is a golden ticket to safety?
3) Who says “But we were not thinking Beirut. … We didn’t know that this was going to be extreme like this.”

I don’t know what “glory bumps” are, but maybe I should look into this whole rapture thing after all.

PS, zealots freak the shit out of me.

Someone is SO getting laid at ComiCon next week. Simply brilliant.

Oprah & Gayle: Not Gay.

Microsoft’s rumblings about their iPod killer has forced Apple’s hand to leak a few details (rumors) regarding their next must-have. Expect Wi-Fi capabilities and maybe a few more goodies, making that video iPod you just got totally obsolete. Happy Birthday, Mandi!

CBS plans on using new technology to advertise its fall shows on eggs.

As EggFusion sees it, consumers look at a single egg shell at least a few times: when they open a carton in the store to see if any eggs are cracked, if they transfer them from the carton to the refrigerator, and when they crack them open.

It’s true. It’s really, really true.

It’s like origami, but for your Kok.

Maybe not safe for work, if your work doesn’t like elaborate paper puppets for your kok.

A 97-year-old woman was left in the car while her daughter and granddaughter went shopping at Wal-Mart. For an hour. In 122 degree heat. But they did crack the windows.

Pro-Family group doesn’t like the bidders on the Braves because they make money.

Fans of Hellboy (the comic, not the movie) should check out The Amazing Screw-On Head, an animated version of Mignola’s spin-off character one-shot.

I don’t know what this is, how it works, or what the point is, but I do know I am adding it to my cart. It’s like they’re in my head.