Comrade in ad arms, Mr. Cruz, passes on this scarily accurate brandscape. I know for a fact that in the past his junk that he worked so hard on got gobbled up. By logos and stuff. It’s a common lament for art directors. Not so much for writers.
Damon “Street Cred” Wayans is trying to get a trademark on the ‘N’ word.
Meanwhile, there’s this guy. What’s a white fool to do?
Instead of bringing me a traditional m’butu root healing stick from his African adventure, Jeff hooks me up with the Shock Absorber, the Xbox 360 of sports bras. Be sure to see the side by side comparison of a regular bra vs. the Shock Absorber. Or no bra at all. I won’t need to tell nerds to check out the wire frame versions, or to pick the most ginormous hoots you can.
Well intentioned feminist wants to help the women of South Dakota with a step-by-step abortion manual.
Totally cribbing this from Monkey Satan, who is much more punk than cookies.
David Beckham admits he’s too dumb to do 1st grade math.
The Night Stalker investigates the biggest mystery.
South Dakota on the way to banning all abortions.
Fun series of holiday portraits, in the Sears style.
Former Sports Night star and Desperate for money Felicity Huffman stars in a series of classic TV parodies, directed by Penny Marshall, for Dove soap. Because nothing makes you feel better than soap.
If you don’t have a high speed connection (and speakers), I suspect this will look pretty silly, but if it loads and plays smooth, you’ll see some pretty impressive 3-ball action.
OPEN ON DANNY, OUR SPOKESPERSON
DANNY: You should buy this.
DANNY STARES OUT THE WINDOW FOR 4 MINUTES
DANNY: Or something.
CUT TO PRODUCT SHOT
Domino’s Pizza founder wants to build a sin-free town.
Smoking Gun has copy of “Wifely Contract.” Feel free to make copies and contact your lawyer.
So not only do I have to wait until at least April to replace my stolen iPod, now I have to wait until Christmas to replace my broken Playstation with a PS3.
Oh, yeah. And I’m sick. This is just great.
If you missed Pillow Fight Club, then you missed, well, a Pillow Fight.
CareerBuilder leverages its monkey shenanigans with a fun little message maker. Haven’t figured out if you can fling your own poo over the internet.
Another attempt to make money off the internets, send him your stuff, and he’ll post it.
More Hasselhoff goodness
Whether it’s to prepare for the upcoming pandemic, or you just need to know what to do with the hooker in your trunk, it’s always good to know how to safely dispose of bodies.
New study shows ugly people more likely to resort to lives of crime.
I guess it’s just what you do when you’re a rock star. I guess I’d do it. If I had a rock star’s “talents.” Kid Rock and Creed newlywed Scott Stapp have a new sex tape coming out. It doesn’t look gay, but you never know. There might be some snoodling at the end. See the nude-free preview here.
Under 3-strike policy, Oregon man gets sentenced to life in prison for kissing a woman.
Recent law school grad, self-described “trust fund baby” and my-described “complete twat young lady” dicks over potential employer, and reminds us to be careful what we type, because it may just end up in the Boston Globe. The “bla bla bla” heard round the world.
Forwarded e-mail, in its entirety:
>
>—–Original Message—–
>From: Dianna Abdala [ dabdala@msn.com]
>Sent: Monday, February 06, 2006 4:29 PM
>To: William A. Korman
>Subject: Re: Thank you
>
>bla bla bla
>
>—– Original Message —–
>
>From: William A. Korman
>To: ‘Dianna Abdala’
>Sent: Monday, February 06, 2006 4:18 PM
>Subject: RE: Thank you
>
>Thank you for the refresher course on contracts. This is not a bar exam
>question. You need to realize that this is a very small legal community,
>especially the criminal defense bar. Do you really want to start
>pissing off more experienced lawyers at this early stage of your career?
>
>
>—–Original Message—–
>From: Dianna Abdala [ dabdala@msn.com]
>Sent: Monday, February 06, 2006 4:01 PM
>To: William A. Korman
>Subject: Re: Thank you
>
>A real lawyer would have put the contract into writing and not exercised
>any such reliance until he did so.
>
>Again, thank you.
>
>—– Original Message —–
>From: William A. Korman
>To: ‘Dianna Abdala’
>Sent: Monday, February 06, 2006 12:15 PM
>Subject: RE: Thank you
>
>Dianna -
>
>Given that you had two interviews, were offered and accepted the job
>(indeed, you had a definite start date), I am surprised that you chose
>an e-mail and a 9:30 PM voicemail message to convey this information to
>me. It smacks of immaturity and is quite unprofessional. Indeed, I did
>rely upon your acceptance by ordering stationery and business cards with
>your name, reformatting a computer and setting up both internal and
>external e-mails for you here at the office. While I do not quarrel
>with your reasoning, I am extremely disappointed in the way this played
>out. I sincerely wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.
>
> – Will Korman
>
>—–Original Message—–
>From: Dianna Abdala [ dabdala@msn.com ]
>Sent: Friday, February 03, 2006 9:23 PM
>To: wak@kormanlaw.com
>Subject: Thank you
>
>Dear Attorney Korman,
>
>At this time, I am writing to inform you that I will not be accepting
>your offer.
>
>After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that the pay
>you are offering would neither fulfill me nor support the lifestyle I am
>living in light of the work I would be doing for you. I have decided
>instead to work for myself, and reap 100% of the benefits that I sew.
>
>Thank you for the interviews.
>
>Dianna L. Abdala, Esq.
I stayed at the office a little late tonight and didn’t make it back to Edgewood till about 7:15. I swung into the Barnes & Noble parking lot just to see if the ruckus would be as good as I thought it would. She was supposed to show up at 7, but of course, she made the throngs of strong black women wait a half hour. Star Jones was in the house, and she was there to praise Jesus, herself, and her gay husband, not necessarily in that order. She opened with some cryptic talk about some controversy I didn’t know anything about. Apparently, she supposedly hung up on somebody or snapped at somebody or something. I didn’t know what she was talking about, but everybody else was nodding along knowingly, so I didn’t want to be the foolish white boy to ask. Then she started talking about how she got the $300 pants she was wearing for $79, and all was right in the world. I stood there for maybe 10 minutes, as she did her best Steve Martin from The Jerk impression. She talked about her mother, and growing up poor, and having rent parties. Somewhere around the part where she described her stepfather as the “love of her life†while Al looked on and I thought I might actually have to stick around to see just how bad I could feel for a guy riding the Star bus, her mic crapped out and I noticed a Star Wars Trivial Pursuit game for 75% off.
Frank Miller has announced his next big Batman project will be a long form graphic novel that’s a bit of a throwback to the WWII antics of Captain America and Superman. “Holy Terror, Batman!” will pit the Dark Knight against Al Qaeda.
Heidi Klum’s homage to the swimsuits of old from SI’s swimsuit issue.