“Since 2006, one out of every 17 novels bought in the United States was written by James Patterson.”

Holy shit.

It’s a train.

I have a feeling this is what my day is going to be like tomorrow.

Because everything is advertising now, K-Swiss is craftily courting the liberal elite Jewish Hollywood crowd via hilarious viral videos. Because they buy the shit out of cross trainers.

Kenny powered microsite here.

And to think I’ve been drinking it it all this time.

This is another of my favorite things I saw this week. Clearly, this is one brand that understands what the digital realm can and cannot do. And their app is very good, too.

This is a short documentary about the wall painting advertisers of NYC, produced by the fine folks at Mother. Because they don’t have anything better to do I guess than go out and make documentaries now. Anyway, it’s 12 minutes, and it’s gorgeous and heartbreaking. And for some reason I want a Stella. Wait a minute… SON OF A BITCH!

It’s INSTANT BILLY MAYS!!

Does a Snuggie® not infantalize you enough? Do your toes get too cold for Mr. Bigglesworth to sit on when you’re reading your vampire novels?

What happens when February 14th falls on football playing day? Well, nothing in my house, because I don’t really care about either one. But in certain circles, it can be problematic. Most women seem to go for the alcoholic jock-types that would prefer to hang out in bars and drink and scream at the telly and joke about how cold the water is (“it’s deep, too!”), so Puma has a solution.

…on a stick.

You know that sweet feeling you got last night when you saw the Google ad, and thought, “aww… that’s like real life…”

This is real life. Boom. Roasted.

I’m at the age and level of attractiveness that sex’s only real purpose is as a subject of amusement and academic conversation. Yes, the female version of this commercial is funny, but the homoerotic undertones of the copy on the male version, combined with the shorn and shirtless torsos, really drive it home so hard you’ll be feeling the burn all day.

I can’t say I recommend watching this 16-minute music video about going to Yale.

Except for the fact that it’s a 16-minute music video about going to Yale.

I should have studied harder in high school.

(and yes, that’s Brian Williams in the sample frame.)

The fact is, there’s no market for good creative anymore. At least no real demand for it. There’s no ROI in it. They just want it to tick off the boxes that their bosses gave them, and not draw any real attention.

Occasionally, someone with some passion will do something good just to get it out of their system. Odds are they’ll never get paid for it. Not what they deserve, anyway. This is one of those times.

Does anyone actually like AXE? I guess I’m not hanging out in the right rutting clubs, but they sure spend a lot of money on bad puns.

It the grand scheme of things, this is just dumb, but I am amused by the notion that this KFC ad is being called racist as opposed to just dumb and lazy.

Yeah, puns are awesome. So is the idea of tying your client’s logo to a dead fly on the ground.

And I don’t blame them.

Microsoft has a history of these inane videos, but I think this one may actually be endorsing having a party to celebrate the launch of Windows 7. And make sure it’s diverse.

A coworker mentioned this classic chestnut yesterday, and watching it again, ten years later, I got nostalgic for the days when this was in fact all true. Now, the wonton waste that made the excess and bullshit of the process so primed for parody (is it parody if it’s spot on, with only the inner/outer dialog transposed?) has all but been replaced with a fast-food drive through mentality. I was just a little boy in the biz when it looked like “Truth In Advertising” but I sat in enough meetings and edit suites as a junior copywriter to know it was true. I’m sure for those last few agencies and accounts that have the luxury to only lie to each other out of spite, it’s still like that. For most of the rest of us, however, reduced to being order taking vendors too terrified to have egos, it’s more like this.

One of the potholes of working inside the marketing machine is you see how the sausage is made every day. Which is not a good thing for someone who loves sausage.

When you know for a fact that some of the popular and accepted story is not true, eventually, you can’t help but suspect everything’s a lie, which is why ad people tend to be the most cynical people you’ll come across. Our whole life is spin. I’ve seen too many press releases reported as hard news to ever trust any paper again. And don’t even get me started on magazines. Just like I’ve seen to many people lie to each other and maybe even themselves to trust any person completely. I may be stupid, but I’m not that stupid.

I’m so glad T-Mobile has finally grown a pair after years of using Catherine Zeta Jones as their spokeslady. The new round of spots showcases her equity as a hot piece of trophy face. The one with the kid who tries to get it on with her is adorable, but the one with the husband who basically admits he would roll over his wife on a cement mixer to get at the T-Mobile lady is genius:

I love everything about this, including the broken English VO.

The dirty German Sprite commercial is tearing up the internets today, but I like the accompanying Perrier spot that Agency Spy has under it.
Jerry knows what I’m talking about. Yeah.

No, me neither. But I also don’t expect thousands of tampons to fall out of the sky when I go to the beach.

There’s a lot of finger-pointing at this ad as the death knell of modern civilization. Personally, I think that came a long time ago, but whatevs. I just wish spots like these were real. And as I get older, the tagline becomes more and more believable.